I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
