sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
