he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
