Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
