this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
