I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
