just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
