I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Randomize
