Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
