I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I love you. Go after that dick
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