i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
did you just send me my own nude
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize