i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
