Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
