my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
