I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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