God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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