i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
