As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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