You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
