his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
