Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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