And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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