The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
