Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
