My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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