Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
