You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
