No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
