she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
