Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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