even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
