Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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