clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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