so explain again why im purple
no
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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