I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
