so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
