Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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