a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
