i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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