thus making me awesome and them whores
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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