when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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