Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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