You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
