bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
