The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
