cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
