Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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