I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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