alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
