Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
