For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
